I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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