Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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