Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
