I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
