So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
