you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
