My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
