You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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