The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
