dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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