you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
