I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
