I like my sex mixed with concussions.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
