He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
