some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
