Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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