A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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