Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
