apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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