soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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