dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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