There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
