I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
True strength comes from lack of pants
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
