Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
