I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
