god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's just like the Real World with babies
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
