my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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