If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
