I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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