youre lurking in front of me
time to smoke my breakfast
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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