This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
