whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Houston, we have a blender
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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