the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
