I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
