ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
