If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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