I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just high enough for therapy.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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