worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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