even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
