there's paper in my vomit.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
