Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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