I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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