What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
