I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
