Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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