i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
wow bdsm is so cute
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