i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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