I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Randomize
