She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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