why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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