Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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