I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
