i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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