i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
