I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
